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The Games People Play, "Communication in Marriage". Part 9
By Norman & Ann Bales Of All About Families
Introduction
Introduction
- Do you play games at your house? If so, what kinds of games do you play?
- Do you ever play "power games" at your house?
- What is a power game?
- Why do you suppose we play power games?
- Who's in control at your house? Who would you say is "the boss?"
Discussion
- Comparison of Power and Intimacy
- Power:
- Protects and defends itself against the other person.
- Says, "because I feel inadequate, I'm going to work hard to hide my vulnerability and need."
- Trusts only its own control over another.
- Frustrates intimacy.
- Intimacy
- Opens itself up.
- Says, "because I know I am incomplete on my own, I want you to be part of me."
- Ventures into an ever more trusting relationship.
- Takes away the need to wield power.
What has happened when a couple is primarily concerned about who is going to have control?
- Intimacy is not working for them.
- Something's gone wrong in their mutual trust, caring, openness, and refusal to have secrets, and unquestioned loyalty to each other.
- Instead of pursuing intimacy they have taken a fall-back position in which each one is striving to maintain power or rights or territory or all of the above.
- Trust is compromised. Trust is what motivates people to follow another person's leadership, whether at work or at home. And trust must be earned.
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Copyright, All About Families, used with permission.
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